Allison Cameron sat at the large glass table in the diagnostic chamber. Gregory House was at the whiteboard, tapping the capped marker against his chin. Robert Chase and Eric Foreman were also at the table, but they were offering ideas for a diagnosis. Allison had her chin resting on the palm of her hand as she held her head up with her elbow.
    Suddenly, House slammed his cane down on the table.
    “Cameron! Pay attention to the differential!” he said, giving her an evil glare. Allison looked up at him.
    “But why should I? This is all very dull. We all know you’re going to decide on the diagnosis without us. Why should we even bother?” she asked.
    “Because this is the real world. You can’t fantasize about me all day.” House said with a smirk.
    “The real world? Well, if this was MY world, there’d never be any work to do. I wouldn’t have to deal with your constant snarkasm, and I’d be free to do whatever I wish.” she said, dreamily. House rolled his eyes and turned back to the whiteboard.
    “Well, this isn’t your world, so pay attention.” he said, tapping the capped marker on his chin once again. Allison sighed and stood up. House didn’t even notice her leaving, and Chase and Foreman decided to be silent about it. They thought Cameron could use a break.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

    Allison walked down the hallway, humming a tune to herself. She had just watched her favorite movie, “Alice In Wonderland” the night before, and so, the songs from the film were stuck in her head. She hummed Alice’s very first song, where she sang about a world of her own.
    “All the flowers…would have very extra-special powers…they would sit and talk to me for hours…when I’m lonely…in a world of my own…” Allison sang quietly. She now sat alone in the lab, enjoying the peace ever so much. She laid her head on her folded arms, which rested on the counter-top of one of the islands in the lab. She sighed as she let her mind drift off into a daydream…

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

    “I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date! No time to say, ‘hello!’ GOODBYE! I’m late! I’m late! I’m late!” A small teddy bear ran past the lab, muttering that he was late. Allison sat up in her seat and looked out the glass doors of the lab.
    “How peculiar…” she whispered to herself. She stood up and walked over to the door, pushing it open slowly. She stepped out into the hallway and noticed that no one else seemed to be in the hospital with her. The hallway was dark heading towards the stairs. She turned to the left and saw the teddy bear running down the hallway.
    “Oh! Mr. Bear! Mr. Bear!” Allison said, calling after the bear. However, the bear did not stop running, so Allison began to chase after him. She noticed, once she started running, that she was now wearing a powder blue dress that was clinging tightly to her body. She had her white lab coat on over the dress, but it was longer than usual, flowing down to her ankles. She also had a pair of black, flat-bottomed shoes on her feet. She blushed a little at the dress, hoping no one would see her this way. Allison buttoned the front of her lab coat, then looked back up to see the bear running into the elevator.
    “Mr. Bear! Wait!” Allison said. She ran down the hall after the bear, but the elevator doors slid shut before she could stop him. She sighed and looked around, realizing how different the hospital suddenly seemed.
    “What a strange place this seems…” she said, pressing the button for the elevator. She stepped inside the elevator and watched the doors shut. She pressed the button for the next floor up and leaned against the wall of the small, traveling room. She closed her eyes as she wondered what was going on.
    When she opened her eyes, she saw that her surroundings had changed immensely. The walls of the elevator were animated with images of the sun, little animals, babbling brooks, and beautiful scenery. She smiled as she stepped out of the elevator into the hallway, but the smile changed into a wondering look when she saw what was on the walls and the things in the corridor.
    “Curiouser and curiouser…” she said, seeing the checkered floor and the glass walls. There were pieces of furniture scattered everywhere, many of them upside-down, yet standing up just fine. Some of the furniture was cut in half, but, like the other pieces of furniture, they stood up just fine. Allison was amazed by the sights, and she continued to stroll down the hallway, hoping to find the teddy bear soon so she could ask him where he was off to in such a hurry…

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

    Allison walked down the hallway, seeing many doors lining the walls, but each of them was locked. She finally reached the end of the hallway, where she saw a very small door with…a sleeping doorknob?
    “Um…excuse me…excuse me…” she said, knocking on the door. The doorknob yawned and opened its eyes.
    “What? What is it?” he said, yawning again.
    “I’m looking for a teddy bear…” she said.
    “Oh, he went through here, take a look.” he said, opening his keyhole-mouth. Allison looked through and saw the teddy bear checking his pocket-watch. She smiled and straightened up.
    “Oh! That’s him!” she said, reaching out to grab the doorknob so she could open the door and follow the bear. The doorknob, however, pulled his handle-nose away from her.
    “No, no, no! You’re much too big! It‘s simply impassable.” he said.
    “You mean impossible?” she questioned.
    “No. Impassable. Nothing’s impossible.” he replied with a chuckle. Allison got a depressed look on her face and she sat down.
    “Oh, dear. What am I going to do now?” she asked.
    “Why don’t you try the bottle on the table?” the doorknob asked. Allison looked behind her and saw the diagnostic chamber’s table with a small bottle sitting on top of it.
    “Oh!” she said, getting up and grabbing the bottle.
    “Drink Me.” she read aloud. “Hmm…better look first…for if one drinks much from a bottle marked ‘poison’…it’s almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later.” She looked at the bottle carefully.
    “Beg your pardon?” the doorknob inquired.
    “Oh, I was just giving myself some good advice. But…” Allison said, lifting the bottle to her lips and taking a small drink. “Hmm…tastes like…cherry tart…” she said. Suddenly, her body began to shrink without her even noticing. “Custard…pineapple...roast turkey…GOODNESS!” she said, falling back onto the floor. She was now about three inches tall, and the bottle was slightly bigger than her, causing her to drop it onto the ground. She looked around and was slightly confused as to what had happened. Then, she looked at the doorknob.
    “Oh! I’m too small!” she said, pouting.
    “Why don’t you look in that box, there?” the doorknob asked. Allison looked down at the ground, where a box had suddenly appeared in front of her. She lifted the lid and found cookies inside the box.
    “Eat Me. Well, alright.” she read aloud again, picking up a cookie and taking a bite from it. She grew to a great height, rather than her normal size, and her head hit the ceiling. She looked around and became upset.
    “Oh, no! Now I’m much too big and I’ll never get out of here! All because I had to know where that teddy bear was going!” she said, beginning to cry.
    “Oh, don’t cry now!” the doorknob said. Humongous teardrops began to fall to the ground, splashing all over the doorknob. He sputtered a little, spewing water out of his keyhole-mouth.
    “Stop! Stop! You’re too big! You’re going to flood the room!” he shouted, but Allison couldn’t hear him over her sobbing.
    “The bottle! THE BOTTLE!” the doorknob screamed, gurgling noises now escaping him. Allison heard him this time, and she grabbed the bottle and sipped the last of the liquid from it, making her shrink back down to three inches tall. She fell into the bottle, which splashed into her ocean of tears.
    “Oh, dear. I do wish I hadn’t cried so much.” she said to herself. The doorknob opened his keyhole-mouth in an attempt to breath, but he swallowed a huge amount of water and Allison floated through in the bottle to the other side of the door.
    “OH! A SAILOR’S LIFE IS THE LIFE FOR ME! TIDDLY-UM *honk, honk* AND A DOODLE DIDDLE-DEE! AND I NEVER EVER EVER DO A THING ABOUT THE WEATHER CUZ THE WEATHER NEVER EVER DOES A THING FOR ME!” A Dodo bird was standing on the beak of another bird, while a third bird pushed the Dodo along on the water. The Dodo was singing loudly, and he spotted Allison as he headed into the second verse (which was the same as the first, you know) of the song he was singing.
    “Oh! Ahoy, and other nautical expressions!” he shouted. Then he continued on his merry sailor way, leaving Allison alone in the water.
    “Sir! Please! Help me!” she shouted, waving her hand in the air. She was standing in the bottle now, trying to get the Dodo’s attention. But it wasn’t working. Suddenly, a trio of birds on a log came floating by.
    “Excuse me! Can you help me?! Please!” she shouted, but they either didn’t hear her, or chose to ignore her. She leaned over the edge of the bottle and shouted as loud as she could, “PLEASE! HELP ME!” The bottle was overcome by a wave of water and it splashed her onto land. There was a rock in front of her, and the Dodo was standing on that rock, fiddling with a fire and singing his song. The birds she’d seen before, along with some sea-worthy animals, were running around the rock, as the Dodo was telling them to. Allison was now running around the rock as well, following in line the other creatures.
    “I say, you’ll never get dry that way!” the Dodo said to her, as she stopped and got run over by the other creatures in the circle.
    “Get dry?!” she said, a wave crashing down on the creatures, but not on the Dodo. Allison looked up at him.
    “Have to run with the others. First rule of a caucus race, you know.” he said, inhaling from the tip of his pipe. Another wave crashed down, and when it passed, Allison found herself sitting on top of one of the birds. When she came around the rock once, she caught a glimpse of the teddy bear.
    “Oh! Mr. Bear!” she shouted, waving a hand to him. He was staring at his pocket-watch and scurrying away quickly.
    “Oh! Mr. Bear! Wait! I’ll be right back!” she said as she rounded the rock again. Finally, another wave crashed down and knocked her off of the bird and back onto the land. She brushed off her lab coat and ran after the bear…

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

    Allison strolled into a forest, trying to figure out where the bear had gotten to. She looked above the bushes, but couldn’t see him anywhere.
    “Now where could he have gone?” she asked herself, looking behind a tree. “Do you suppose he’s hiding?” She didn’t even notice the two hats sticking up from behind a shrub. She knelt down on the ground and inspected a log. “Hmm…” she said, crawling inside the log. The two hats were sitting atop two heads of identical twins, who bounced along the log until they stood next to each other at the opposite end. Allison crawled out and stood up, right in front of the twins. She brushed off her dress and looked around.
    “Oh dear…I don’t think I’ll ever - OH!” she said, turning around to see the twins. She hadn’t noticed them before. “What peculiar figurines…” she said. She leaned closer and read the words sewn into their collars. “Tweedle Dee…and Tweedle Dum!” she said, poking one of their stomachs. A honk escaped the one she poked, making Allison jump back a little.
    “If you think we’re waxworks, you ought to pay, you know.” he said.
    “And contrary-wise, if you think we’re alive, you ought to speak to us.” the other said. They hopped up onto the log and bonked each others’ stomachs together, making honking noises until they reached the end of the log and hopped off.
    “That’s logic!” they said in unison.
    “Oh, well, it’s been nice meeting you, but I really must be going.” Allison said. She began to walk away, but the twins jumped in front of her.
    “You’re doing it backwards, you know.” one said.
    “The first thing you’re supposed to say is -” the other started, as they grabbed Allison’s hands and began dancing around.
    “How do you do, and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands, how do you do, and shake hands, state your name and business.” they sang together, then they stated, matter-of-factly, “That’s manners!”
    “It is? Well, my name’s Allison, and I’m following a teddy bear, so I‘ll be going now.” she said, heading to leave again. Yet, again, the twins jumped in front of her.
    “Why?” they asked.
    “Because I’m following a teddy bear.” she said, getting a little bit annoyed.
    “Why?” they asked again.
    “Well, because I’m curious to know where he’s going.” she said. She walked towards a cluster of trees when she heard the twins begin to whisper and mutter.
    “Oh, she’s curious…” one said.
    “The patients were curious, too, ya know…” the other replied.
    “Poor, poor things…” they both said, taking their hats off and weeping fake tears. Allison became curious as to what they were talking about (she’s always curious, ya know), so she turned around and came back to them.
    “What? What happened to the patients?” she inquired. The twins got an evil look on their faces as they put their hats on their heads. They pushed Allison back onto the log and stood in front of her.
    “The Doctors and The Patients.” they started. Allison got settled in and listened intently. The twins took deep breaths and began the story…
    “A mean old administrator and a mean old doctor were walking down a corridor. They were heading for the clinic to leave the hospital - that’s the way out, you know - and the mean old doctor was very anxious to get out…”

    “We’ll never make it out of here with all these waiting patients.”
    “Nonsense, let’s leave without the hassle, I simply have no patience.”
    “But, silly man, that’s ridiculous, for we must do our jobs!”
    “Come now, let’s go, who needs to deal with giant coughing mobs?”
    The administrator then had an idea, and the doctor followed suite.
    “Hello, little patients, why don’t you come with me? We’ll go to a room and treat you well, and then you will be free…to leave from here without a care and enjoy the lovely day…so come with me and have some meds, for this is what I say…” the administrator sang. However, the wise Nurse Katie knew better, and she spoke up immediately.
    “Now, now, my patients, don’t listen to them, they’re being so untrue…I know what they want, and I know what they have, and I know what they’ll do to you!” she sang to the patients. Now the administrator and the doctor got angry, and they shoved the nurse away.
    “Now listen here, you little patients, and listen to me well…I’ll save you from this sickly room, and from this living hell…just follow me and you will see what medicine can do…I’ll help you all and make you healthy, head for Exam Room Two…” the administrator cooed. The patients smiled and did as they were told, following her and the doctor into Exam Room Two. The administrator ordered the doctor to grab some syringes from the storage closet in the corner. The doctor reluctantly did as he was told and walked into the closet to get some syringes. He let the door slowly shut and fumbled around, looking for the specific syringe the administrator asked for. Meanwhile, the administrator was in the exam room with all the patients…
    “Now, my little patients…I want you to sit back and relax…this won’t hurt a bit…pretty soon, you’ll feel no pain…and we’ll be done with it…” the administrator sang, taking some syringes from a drawer in the room. She stuck them into the legs of the patients and injected them with something that made them sleep. The doctor came out of the closet (pun intended) and saw what had happened. He looked up at the administrator, anger taking over.
    “Well, now, I think I’ll be off…” the administrator said, turning around slowly and beginning to walk out. The doctor lifted his cane in the air and began to walk towards the administrator. The administrator ran out of the exam room, followed closely by the doctor, still trying to knock her head off with his cane.

    “What a sad story…” Allison said, sighing. The twins nodded.
    “Would you like to hear another?” they said. They began jumping around and honking again, getting excited. Allison wanted to say no, but they had already started the next story. Allison decided it’d be best to slip away silently. She slowly turned around and walked off into the woods. She glanced back once, to see if the twins had stopped…but they continued to babble to no one. Allison shook her head and carried on.
    “Curiouser and curiouser…”

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

    Allison came upon a small, pink house. It was adorable, and there was a square of bushes surrounding it, with a gate out front. She walked up to the gate and opened it, smiling at the smell of all the flowers. She continued on down the pathway to the house. Suddenly, the teddy bear came running through the gate.
    “OH! Mary Ann! MARY ANN!” he shouted, running up to Allison.
    “Why, Mary Ann, what are you doing out here?”
    “Mary Ann?” Allison asked, confused.
    “Don’t just do something, stand there! …uh, no, no! Go, go! Go get my gloves! I’m late!” the bear said.
    “But, late for what? That’s just what I -”
    “MY GLOVES!” the bear shouted, blowing a trumpet in Allison’s face. “At once! Do you hear?!”
    “Goodness! I suppose I’ll be taking orders from babies next…” Allison said, heading inside and up the stairs of the house. She sighed as she walked into the bear’s bedroom. She spotted a dresser with a mirror sitting back against the wall behind it. Atop the dresser sat a box of cookies, a comb, an extra pocket-watch…and the gloves! Allison smiled and picked them up, then spotted the box of cookies. They read, ‘Eat Me.’ She picked one up and took a bite. Suddenly, her body began to grow, her arms shooting out of the windows and her legs shooting out of the doors. Finally, her head hit the ceiling, and she gasped.
    “Oh, my…” she said. She could hear the bear screaming outside.
    “MONSTER! MONSTER!” he was shouting. Allison looked around.
    “Monster? I most certainly am not!” she said, getting frustrated. She dropped the white gloves on the ground and the bear scurried over to pick them up. Then he decided to go get help from a friend of his. He ran off into the woods, leaving Allison alone in the house and pondering what to do now.
    After a bit, the bear came back with…the Dodo?
    “I really need your help! There’s a monster in my house!” the bear said, pushing the Dodo towards his front door.
    “Ahh, yes, a monster! …hmm…what we need is…a lizard with a ladder!” the Dodo said, noticing Bill the Lizard walking by.
    “Bill! Can you help us?! We need a ladder with a lizard - I mean a lidder with a lazzard - uh, guh, can you help us?!” the bear stuttered anxiously. Bill nodded and walked up to the Dodo.
    “Sure thing! How can I help?” he asked, a noticeably British accent staining his words. The Dodo pointed out the chimney.
    “We need you to climb on up to the chimney and crawl inside the house. That way, you can get the monster out.” he explained. Bill nodded and put his ladder against the house. He began to climb up it, repeating the Dodo’s words to himself.
    “Climb up to the chimney to get the monster out….MONSTER?!” he shouted, spotting the eye of Allison in one of the windows. He spun around and climbed right back down the ladder. But the Dodo caught him and carried him back up the ladder, placing him onto the roof when they reached it.
    “Now, just go down that chimney there and get the monster out. You can do it, Bill!” the Dodo said, shoving Bill towards the chimney. Bill nodded, breathed in deeply, then scurried up to the chimney. He crawled in slowly, but began to brush dirt and soot away with his tail, because he couldn’t see through it to where he was going. The soot puffed out in clouds into the bedroom Allison’s head was currently occupying. She breathed in the dirt clouds and began huffing, breathing in and out slowly, until she finally -
    “ACHOOO!” - sneezed. Bill flew through the chimney at the force of the sneeze, sending him up into the sky until he disappeared into the clouds.
    “Oh…” the Dodo said. Allison peered out a window and up into the sky.
    “Oh, dear. How sad.” she said, then she looked back down at the bear and the Dodo. The bear was running around frantically now.
    “What are we going to do?!” he asked, grabbing his head.
    “Why, we’ll light the house on fire and smoke the monster out!” the Dodo replied. The bear nodded…
    “Light the house on fire…LIGHT THE HOUSE ON FIRE?!” he shouted, realizing what the Dodo had just said. The Dodo had already grabbed a ton of furniture that belonged to the bear and threw it against the base of the house.
    “Light the house on fire?! Oh, my!” Allison said, worry overcoming her.
    “We’ll blow the thing there out, we’ll smoke the monster out!” the Dodo sang. The bear blubbered as the Dodo destroyed his furniture.
    “The gate, now!” said the Dodo. The bear reluctantly grabbed the gate off its hinges and threw it on the pile of furniture.
    “Do you have a match?” the Dodo asked. The bear reached inside his lab coat pocket and pulled out a match. The Dodo then took the match, struck it against the bear’s nose, then touched it to a chair leg. The bear began to blubber again as he ran around in hurried circles to nowhere.
    “Maybe if I eat something, I’ll shrink back down to my normal size…” Allison hypothesized. She spotted a huge collection of berry bushes outside, and reached out for a handful of berries. The bear saw what she was doing and ran over to her giant hand, grabbing hold of one of her fingers. She lifted the berries (and the bear, of course) up and into the window.
    “Oh, no, you don’t! Not MY berries, you monster, you!” the bear shouted. Allison furrowed her brow and shook off the bear.
    “I’m sorry, but I must eat something!” she explained, popping the berries into her mouth. She immediately shrunk back down to normal. The bear ran off and away from his doomed house, screaming about how late he was.
    “Oh, Mr. Bear! Please, wait!” Allison said, waving her hand and running after him. The Dodo stopped her at the door of the house and asked her for a match, since the previous flame went out.
    “I’m sorry, I only have this torch.” she replied, pulling a mini-torch out of her lab coat (don’t ask why she had it, no one knows for sure). The Dodo took it appreciatively, and Allison was on her way again, chasing after the bear. For some unknown reason, the Dodo continued attempting to burn down the house, even though the ‘monster’ had obviously vacated it already.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

    Allison walked through the forest, pushing a huge leaf out of her way. She came to a clearing, but huffed and put her hands on her hips.
    “I’ll never find that bear when I’m this size…” she said, feeling so very aware of her three inch tall stature. Suddenly, a butterfly flew right by her face, followed by five or six more. They all landed on a leaf and sat next to each other.
    “What peculiar butterflies…” she stated, noticing the fact that they were all shaped like slices of bread with butter squares spread on them.
    “You mean, bread-and-butterflies.” someone said. Allison jumped and turned around. She didn’t see anyone, which made her more curious.
    “Now, who do you suppose…” she asked herself, wondering who had said something to her before. A new bug flew in front of her; it was a rocking-horse with wings, and it fluttered in her face before quickly flying away.
    “Oh! A horsefly! I mean, a rocking-horsefly!” she said.
    “That’s right.” The voice spoke again. Allison spun around and saw nothing but flowers in front of her.
    “You don’t suppose…oh, no, that’s nonsense…flowers can’t talk.” she told herself, when all of a sudden, the tallest flower there, the rose, leaned closer to her and spoke.
    “But, of course we can talk, my dear.” she said with a light smile.
    “If there’s anyone worth talking to.” came the voice of another flower, a rather stuck-up orchid.
    “Or about!” twittered the ditzy daisy, who began to giggle obnoxiously.
    “And we sing, too!” chorused the pansies, who were just like little children. They were adorable and sat together in a group of six.
    “You do?” Allison asked, walking up to the pansies.
    “Oh, yes! Would you like to hear, ‘Tell it to the Tulips?’” the yellow tulip asked, leaning back to sit with the other tulips.
    “No! Let’s sing one about us!”
    “We know one about the Shy Little Violets…”
    “Oh, no, not that old thing!”
    “Let’s do, ‘Lovely Lilly of the Valley!’”
    “Oh, she wouldn’t like that!”
    “Girls!” the rose interrupted, tapping her conductor’s baton against a leaf. “We shall sing, ‘Golden Afternoon.’ That’s about all of us.” she told Allison.
    “Sound your ‘A,’ Lilly.” the rose instructed. All of the flowers made sure they were in tune, then they began their lovely song.
    “Little bread-and-butterflies kiss the tulips. And the sun is like a toy balloon. There are get-up-in-the-morning glories! In the Golden Afternoon. There are dizzy daffodils on the hillside. Strings of violets are all in tune. Tiger lilies love the dandelions. In the Golden Afternoon. There are dog and caterpillars and a copper centipede. Where the lazy daisies love the very peaceful life they lead. You can learn a lot of things from the flowers. For especially in the month of June. There’s a wealth of happiness and romance! All in the Golden Afternoon!” sang the chorus of flowers. It was lovely, as they went into an instrumental section of the song, then prodded Allison to sing along.
    “You can learn a lot of things from the flowers. For especially in the month of June.” she sang slowly. “There’s a wealth of happiness and romance…” she gasped in a breath, “ALL -” but her voice cracked in the middle of the next word. She covered her mouth, but the gentle rose acknowledged her and smiled, making Allison become less embarrassed as the flowers finished off the song.
    “THE GOLDEN AFTERNOON!” they sang together.
    “Oh, that was lovely!” Allison said.
    “Thank you, my dear.” the rose said.
    “What kind of garden do you come from?” the ditzy daisy asked.
    “Oh, I don’t come from any garden.” Allison started.
    “Do you suppose she’s a wildflower?” asked the daisy.
    “I’m not a wildflower. Actually, I’m not a flower at all. You see, I’m a -”
    “Oh! I knew it!” the orchid shouted. Allison gave her a look.
    “What?” the rose asked.
    “She’s nothing more than a common mobile vulgaris!” the orchid said.
    “A weed?!” Allison shouted. “I most certainly am NOT a weed! I’m a doctor, for goodness sakes!” She was getting rather flustered and crossed her arms.
    “Well, you wouldn’t expect her to admit it, would you?” the tulips whispered to each other.
    “And just what genus or specie is a doctor?!” screeched the orchid.
    “I’m a Homo Sapien, you wretched flowers! And if I were my right size right now, I could pick every single one of you and run tests on you all day!” Allison shouted. The daffodils had a plan; they poured the water that was sitting in a flower next to them right onto Allison’s head, and she slipped and slid down the hill until she was far away from the flowers. She stood up angrily and wrung out her lab coat.
    “You can learn a lot of things from the flowers. Seems to me they could learn a little something about manners!” she said to herself, adjusting her clothes and fixing her hair. She looked up and saw puffs of smoke in the shape of letters, floating in a line above her head…
    “Now, what do you suppose…” she asked herself, following the trail.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

    “A-E-I-O-U…A-E-I-O-U…O…U-E-I-O-A…U-E-I-A…A-E-I-O-U…” A caterpillar sat atop a mushroom, smoking from a hookah and singing. He inhaled from the tip of the hookah, then slowly breathed out the letters that he sang. Allison was leaning on the edge of the mushroom, somewhat mesmerized by the sight, when the caterpillar noticed her.
    “Who…are…you?” the caterpillar asked, blowing puffs of smoke out with each word he spoke. The smoke came out in letters when they could (are = r, you = u, etc.), and Allison stared at the smoke letters that came up to her face.
    “Why, I hardly know, sir. I’ve changed so many times since this morning, you see -” Allison started.
    “I do not see.” the caterpillar replied. “Explain yourself.”
    “Well, I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, sir, because I’m not myself, you know.” she tried again.
    “I do not know.” the caterpillar stated.
    “Well I can’t put it any more clearly for it isn’t clear to me.” she said.
    “You?” said the caterpillar. “Who are you?”
    “Well, don’t you think you ought to tell me -” Allison started. But she inhaled some of the smoke from one of the letters that came to her face, and she began to cough. Once she could breath again, she used the caterpillar’s trick on him, and heaved out an ‘o’ when she spoke again.
    “- who you are first?” she finished.
    “Why?”
    “Oh, dear. Everything is so confusing.”
    “It is not.”
    “Well it is to me.”
    “Why?”
    “Well I can’t remember things as I used to, and -”
    “Recite.”
    “Hmm? Oh! Oh. Oh, yes, sir. Umm…I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant -”
    “Stop!” the caterpillar interjected, making Allison jump. “That is not spoken correcitically. It goes:

By the order of the queen,
And by every living dean,
I shall improve my practice daily,
And swear not to be mean.
Patients come first, you know,
And good treatment is important to show,
Otherwise, they’ll go elsewhere,
With their checks and money in tow.”

    “Well, I must say, I’ve never heard it that way before.” Allison said.
    “I know. I have improved it.” stated the caterpillar, blowing two puffs of smoke in the shape of circles into Allison’s face. She coughed as she tried to respond to the caterpillar.
    “Well, if you ask me -” she started, still coughing.
    “You? WHO ARE YOU?” the caterpillar huffed, puffing more smoke into Allison’s face. She coughed some more, then sneezed, making her fall off of the mushroom she’d been sitting on. She stood up, brushed off her coat, then turned around and stormed off into the forest.
    “You there! Girl! Wait! Come back! I have something important to say!” shouted the caterpillar. He waved his many hands about as he climbed to the top of the plant next to him in an attempt to get Allison’s attention. She saw him, even though she had already gotten pretty far away, and sighed.
    “Oh, dear. I wonder what he wants now.” she said, turning back to him. She crawled around the forest, between plants and branches and mushrooms, until she found the caterpillar again. She walked up to him and crossed her arms.
    “Well?” she asked expectantly.
    “Keep your temper.” he said.
    “Is that all?” she asked, moving forward a step.
    “No. Exacitically what is your problem?” he asked.
    “Well it’s exacitica- …exacitica- …well, it’s precisely this: I should like to be a little larger, sir.”
    “Why?”
    “Well, after all, three inches is such a wretched height -”
    “I am exacitically three inches high, and it is a very good height, indeed!” the caterpillar shrieked, fuming. He began to change color, until he had become a very bright red.
    “But I’m not used to it, and you needn’t,” Allison said, taking in a deep breath, “SHOUT!” When she shouted, the huge puff of smoke that had covered the caterpillar a moment ago was blown away, and now the caterpillar’s shoes and skin were all that was left of him.
    “Oh, dear.” she said, picking up a shoe.
    “By the way, I have a few more helpful hints.” came the caterpillar’s voice. Allison looked around, wondering where it came from. She looked up and spotted the caterpillar…but now he was a big, blue butterfly!
    “One side makes you grow taller -”
    “One side of what?!”
    “- and the other side will make you grow shorter!”
    “The other side of what?!”
    “THE MUSHROOM, OF COURSE!”
    The caterpillar (or should I say, the butterfly?) flew away into the sky, leaving Allison to ponder his words. She looked at the mushroom she was standing on, then sat down.
    “Hmm…” she said, grabbing a piece of mushroom from each side of it.
    “One side will make me grow…but which is which?” she asked herself, looking at the pieces in her hands. She took a small nibble off of one of them and waited for something to happen. And boy, did something happen. Allison’s body grew to be about the height of the biggest tree in the forest! She looked around and wondered what happened for a moment, but her thoughts were interrupted terribly by a loud, screeching bird.
    “HELP! HELP! SERPENT! SERPENT!” the bird screamed, flying around in circles, as if it had lost its mind.
    “Oh, but, please! Please!” Allison said, wishing the bird would shut up.
    “Off with you! Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Serpent! SERPENT!”
    “But I’m not a serpent!”
    “Indeed? Then, just what are you?!”
    “I’m just a doctor!”
    “A doctor?! A doctor?! Ahahahaha!”
    “Well, I am!”
    “And, I suppose you don’t eat eggs, either!”
    “Yes, I do. But, but, but, but -”
    “I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! SERPENT! SERPENT!” the bird shouted.
    “Oh, for goodness sake!” Allison said, getting more annoyed by the second. She realized that she still had the pieces of mushroom, and that the other side of the mushroom would make her…
    “The very idea! Spend all my time laying eggs for serpents like her!” the bird said, picking up all of her eggs in a frenzy. Allison took a bite of the piece of mushroom, and suddenly, her body shrank back down to three inches high. The bird landed back in her nest in her tree with her eggs.
    “Goodness. I wonder if I’ll ever get the hang of this.” Allison said. She stood up and measured with her hand how tall she’d like to be. She licked the piece of mushroom that made her grow, and finally! She was her regular height again. She breathed a sigh of relief.
    “There. That’s much better.” she said to herself. “Hmm, better save these.” She put the pieces of mushroom in her pockets of her lab coat and continued on, deeper into the forest, hoping to find that teddy bear soon…

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    Allison traveled deeper into the woods, until she came to four very large trees with signs nailed onto them. Although, the signs said nothing that would help Allison find her way. They merely said things like up, yonder, back, this way, that way, down, go back, and so on like that.
    “Now, where was I?” Allison asked herself, trying to read the signs. “Hmm…I wonder which way I ought to go…” All of a sudden, a voice (that was singing, nonetheless) cut through the dead silence and made Allison look around in confusion.

    “’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves,
    Did gyre and gimbel in the wabe.
    All mimsy, were the borogoves
    And the momeraths outgrabe.”

    “Now, where do you suppose that…” Allison asked, looking around.
    “Lose something?” the voice asked, making Allison jump and spin around in surprise.
    “Oh! Well, uh…I-I was…no…I-I mean…I-I was just wondering…” she stuttered, trying to find the words.
    “Oh, that’s quite alright. Uh, one moment, please.” The voice had now become a smile that floated in mid-air up in a tree. Eyes fell down just above the smile as the voice tuned itself. “Second chorus.” he said, his body fully appearing. The smile and eyes became a full-out cat. “’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimbel in the wabe.”
    “Why…why, you’re a cat!” Allison said, a smile spreading across her face in amusement.
    “A Cheshire cat. All mimsy, were the borogoves...” the cat continued to sing as he slowly made his body disappear by moving his tail in front of him, as if wiping himself away.
    “Oh, wait! Don’t go, please!” Allison said.
    “There you are.” the cat said, moving his tail just above his eye. His body re-appeared and he spoke again. “Third chorus.”
    “Oh, no, no, no. Thank you, but I just wanted to ask you which way I ought to go.”
    “Well, that depends on where you wanna get to…”
    “Oh, it really doesn’t matter, as long as I can -”
    “Then…it really doesn’t matter…which way…you go…” the cat said, disappearing again. His paw-prints could be seen on the ground, going around Allison, while the cat sang. “And the momeraths outgrabe…” The paw-prints disappeared as the cat leaped up into another tree and re-appeared, yet again.
    “Oh, by the way…” he started. “If you’d really like to know…he went…that way.”
    “Who did?” Allison asked.
    “The teddy bear.”
    “He did?”
    “He did what?”
    “Went that way.”
    “Who did?”
    “The teddy bear!”
    “What teddy bear?”
    “But didn’t you just say - I mean - oh, dear.” Allison stated, turning around in frustration.
    “Can you stand on your head?” the cat asked as he demonstrated. But instead of being upside down on his head, he had actually taken his head off and was literally standing on it. Allison turned around and scoffed at his childishness. He reminded her of House, which was not what she needed at the moment.
    “However, if I were looking for a teddy bear…” started the cat, putting his head back on top of his body. “I’d ask the Mad Hatter.”
    “The Mad Hatter?” Allison repeated. “Oh, n-n-no, I don’t think so -”
    “Or…there’s the March Hare…in that direction…” the cat said, pointing.
    “Oh, thank you. I think I shall visit him.”
    “Of course…he’s mad, too…”
    “Oh, but I don’t want to go among mad people!”
    “Oh, you can’t help that. Most everyone’s mad here.” said the cat. He began to laugh goofily, then stopped and spoke again. “You may have noticed…” he started, disappearing slowly, yet again. “That I’m not all there…myself.” He began humming his song, then his body disappeared completely, leaving only his smile to sing the last line of the chorus. “And the momeraths outgrabe…”
    “Goodness…if the people here are like that, I must try not to upset them.” Allison said to herself. She began walking in the direction of the Mad Hatter and the March Hare, since they seemed to be her only option left in finding that teddy bear…

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